Your Heart and Your Head

Recently, I have been busy from classes, being a R.A., and being the president of a voluntary organization, but I still have had time to think about poker. Should I have the time to be thinking about poker right now? No. My full focus should be on the other 3 things that I have mentioned above.

I have a planner for everything that is coming up and while I do not do all of the things that I say I should in my planner, I still have a poker game weekly as long as there are enough people coming. Once again, should I be doing this and not the other things that have already been planner out? No. I think I use a planner to keep me as focused as possible. I look at it and I say to myself, "I really have no time to play poker today and I need to get these things done!" Then I find myself at least watching poker on tv at some point of the night.

Why is this happening to me? It is my heart. My brain says that I should focus on this and on that and then my heart comes in and says, "Hey, what the hell are you doing. Don't you know you have been consistantly making money in poker for the past 2 years??? Play!"

I am in a point in my life where I have very little time for poker, but I have made a lot more time for it than I should have already. It has always been a great dream to go to a large live event and take it down for hundreds of thousands of dollars, but I know that it is just that...A dream. I am not the only one with this dream and I am sure that I am not the best player in the world with this dream. I am playing low stakes online, while others are playing for 1k a pot. So, once again, here comes my head in to say, " Come on, if you are that good, why are you still playing for $6.00 pots instead of the higher stakes?" What can my heart say to that? Nothing.

I think that the heart and the brain are perfect for each other. They don't let each other take over. If my brain had taken over by now, I would have stopped playing poker even as a winning player and focus more on getting straight A's. If I let my heart take over...maybe I would have taken a shot at a big tournament by now even though I don't nearly have the bankroll for it. Then again, maybe I would have had a bigger bankroll if I let my heart take over for awhile...also I may have wen't broke because of it as well.

I finally won one of the 4.40 180's and that is why I began to think about this again.

Just confused about all of this and wondering if any of you have ever had similar thoughts...How did you eventually make the choice between the 2 and was it a good one or a bad one?